Cooked Link
by BlackWolf2Dragoon
Summary: Don't play with new, strange toys. Link learns this very fact the hard way, much to Midna's annoyance. Based on TP, spoilers up to the Temple of Time.


Right, just to make things absolutely clear:

**This is my first Legend of Zelda fanfic, but like my 15th fanfic I've written xD!**

Now this parody thing was inspired by myself. I mess up a lot on video games sometimes and something here in the Temple of Time, I did something really stupid. So stupid that I just had to write about it xD I'm an embarassment to myself in video games sometimes, I'm the ultimate entertainment for messing up, and I don't care really lmfao

It's short, but I can't write much about staying in one place... so yes, I just like torturing the heroes xD of course lolz! So enjoy this little parody I managed to make!

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Cooked Link

_This is getting ridiculous, _Link thought as he looked at the obstacle course that lay in front of him now. There in front of him was a barrier that he had never encountered before. He had seen Twilight barriers as the Shadow Beasts ambushed him again and again, he'd seen the wall that blocked access for mere mortals from the world of the Twilight, he'd even seen doors shut locked on him when a huge creature, such as a Twili, would come out to surprise him, trapping him and forcing him into combat.

But not this, never this. This barrier seemed weak in comparison, however something told his body not to touch it. The barrier was constantly moving; it looked much like a magic bolt he witnessed when Midna assisted him in defeating a group of Shadow Beasts in his wolf form. However, that bolt was simply a sign it was charging, this was something completely different. It was also blue and thin, unlike Midna's thick and red bolts.

Link and Midna had currently made it deep through the Temple of Time, carrying the Ooccoo along with them who had asked for help. Link, being the Hero, couldn't turn down a chance to help.

When he had seen the entrance to the Temple of Time, he had hoped that the conditions would be normal. He had been through the Forest Temple, battling against weeds and constant jumping around. The monkeys were somewhat helpful in his quest, even the baboon leader lending a hand against the giant Twili plant, Diababa. His tunic had seen better days at the end, the vines tearing at his clothes left him looking like he had been dragged through a hedge. The hero didn't stop nor did he complain, and he was awarded the item Midna had been after, a Fused Shadow.

The Goron Mines was an unpleasant experience. Constantly erupting small amounts of lava, the Hero found himself sweating before they had gotten deep in the dungeon. It made him uncomfortable and often slipping up when using his moves. The enemies were just as hot and were unaffected by the sheer heat.

"Link, focus! If you keep up with slow movements that axe could be at your neck!"

_Easy for you to say, _the Hero had to bite back that remark after he was tripped by the enemy for the third time. Midna was safe hiding in Link's shadow, away from the heat. Link vowed to never go anywhere without at least 3 bottles of water with him, but he was also in a hurry. The Fused Shadow had affected a member of the Goron's badly, changing his shape completely almost and turning him into a monster of the dark. Link didn't want to imagine something like that in the hands of Zant.

Next came the Lakebed Temple. Link changed his mind about water after he had exhausted himself using the iron boots. He had dealt with the heat but was unable to remove clothing, as his hero's tunic was something he now treasured. At the Lakebed Temple, he had a Zoras' outfit which helped in his swimming, but it took much time for him to change from his hero's outfit to the Zoras'. Link also found that whilst the Goron Mines were hot, the Lakebed Temple was cold, freezing in fact. Despite the stillness, there was still a chill in the air from evil inhabiting, bringing on a freezing feeling to the soaked Hero. He felt lucky that he hadn't contracted some illness from freezing and he continued on his way.

He would've done, if it weren't for Zant. Somehow, the Twili had figured what Midna's plan was and took the Fused Shadows and putting Midna under some illness and implanted something inside Link to keep him from turning into his human form. Having spent much time in his wolf form, some of the wolf characteristics had stuck with him, such as growling and sense of hearing. He often found himself scratching the ground with his feet tentatively. Midna never questioned it, but she had noticed, Link was acting more wolf the more he spent time as a wolf. She just hoped the Triforce would keep him from forgetting what he was meant to be doing.

One thing that Link wouldn't forget would be the scene in the Gerudo desert. Arbiter's Ground caused great discomfort to Link, the sand getting into his boots, but the bugs there also creeped him out. Some managed to get into his shorts, which really freaked him out, struggling with the belt to get them out as if he were trying to get a dog off his leg. Turning into his wolf form prevented the whole 'pants' problem though, but he found it uncomfortable to be scratching his fur like the canine he was for 10 minutes.

"Sort the bugs out later! We've got to get a move on!" Midna wasn't known for patience, being an imp and all. Link could only whine, shake his fur and move on.

The next thing that freaked Link out was being attacked by the 'invisible rats' as Midna dubbed them. At first, he couldn't fathom why he had suddenly slowed down, oblivious to the feel of the rats upon his side, but his senses were alerting him of an invisible foe. They were _everywhere. _Harmless as they were, they were still a nuisance, especially when he needed to cross the quick sand. Shaking them off had been easy, but with many of them coming at him at once, it tired him out rather quickly.

After having beaten the mid boss, Link could agree that the item he'd been given was more then entertaining, the Spinner. It made him dizzy and sometimes he had to rest a few minutes to recuperate, but, even if he was Twenty-one, the child inside Link found it entertaining. Midna, again, didn't comment but she wasn't about to stop the hero having at least _some _fun in their adventure. He had been given the mission to beating Zant and driving evil away from Hyrule, it was compulsory. Link deserved whatever small joy he could find, no matter how strange it was.

The big event happened once they had reached the top, after Link and Midna had another encounter from Zant, who brought a skeleton back to life to defeat Link. He had failed. Arriving at the top, Link and Midna were greeted by sages. The story of how they had lost a member of their group, even after having their prisoner near death, was baffling. The creature, Ganondorf, sounded even more dangerous then Zant himself. Link had heard stories before, about the Hero of Time defeating the mighty Ganondorf. Surely, they could not be one of the same, the story was a hundred odd years old and found as a myth.

The Twilight mirror had been shattered when they arrived, sending Midna in a 5 minute rage of complete frustration. Link couldn't blame her, he felt just as frustrated and tired as she probably was. He wanted to be back at the ranch to help Fado with the life stock, he wanted to play with the children and show them how much he has improved his sword fighting skills over time. With the Twilight Mirror shattered, the only mission they had left was to find the pieces, that is what had brought them to the frozen waste land to find a couple of yetis. Link didn't mind the yetis, they were quite kind, but the female yeti had suffered enough from the effects of the mirror fragment.

Now here he was, stuck deep in The Temple of Time, to which Rusl had given Link the hint to go to. The golden chicken was a strange tactic, but it had worked. Link made a note to thank Rusl later. The task at hand right now, however, was this strange contraption. The barrier was becoming a nuisance to Link, perhaps it was harmless.

Deciding, Link reached out a hand to touch it. His body disagreed and reacted violently, sending a jolt up his spine from his finger and threw him backwards. He twitched a moment, before he stood. _Right, I won't be repeating that, _Link thought, feeling somewhat ashamed of his impatience. Who could blame him?

"Link," Midna called from his shadow, not coming out of hiding, however. "are you alright?"

Link didn't want to lie, but he didn't want too much detail out. "I'm fine, just bent up frustration." That wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the complete truth either. Midna remained silent. That hadn't helped his frustration anyhow. He supposed the electric fence was a more futuristic object, considering he _was _in the Temple of Time, after all.

Link spied spiders behind the barrier, he didn't particularly like them but he wasn't a great hater of them either, he could dispose of them easily. Just not with that... barrier in the way. _Why did I touch it, anyway? _He put the blame on exhaustion and his wolf senses, which were becoming more acute and harder to resist. _Yes, blame the curious canine inside, that'll solve the problem._ Link sighed but carried on through the temple.

At one point, he spotted what looked like a giant green rupee. Surely, that wasn't treasure; it seemed way too open to be so. Curious, Link got closer; it seemed different to an ordinary rupee, first it was as big as Link himself and second it seemed to be see-through. _Like anyone would call this real money. _

Curious, Link touched the rupee, although it was just a tap, the rupee reacted. It changed to a red colour, startling Link enough for him to jump back with his hand on the Master Sword, but slowed when he heard a faint rumbling. Turning, he watched as a wall to the side was moving, closing one path and opening another. Link stared back at the rupee. _So, it's a switch, not the best of one either, everyone would chance to take it. _Shaking his head, he walked towards the newly opened door, using his last arrow against an enemy statue before he found himself with a blocked doorway.

"Great, more puzzles." Link grumbled, he never liked puzzles. The one to receive the Master Sword itself was irritating enough for him, having spent a good amount of time trying to figure it out. This one didn't seem terribly hard, there was a gap provided for Link to hit the rupee, the only problem was his lack of arrows. _How do I hit that when there aren't any arrows left? _

Simply frustrated at the situation, Link growled, again a trait from his canine counterpart, and threw the Master Sword at the rupee, at least knowing it would open the door. Indeed, when the sword came into contact with the rupee, it glowed green once again and shifted the doors, but that wasn't what caused Link to gasp. His sword had simply bounced off and was heading back to its owner. With a leap, Link barely missed being sliced by his own sword. _Talk about embarrassing, if I hadn't leapt out of the way in time, what would people think? Owner of the Triforce of Courage pinned to the floor by his own sword, hilarious! _

"Link, what were you thinking!" Link groaned hearing Midna's scolding. "I told you we should've stopped at Hyrule Castle Town for a day; you're exhausted and making mistakes!" It was true, but Link hadn't felt the need to really. He was too excited at possibly seeing Rusl again; they hadn't had a true talk since they were both in Ordon, leading normal lives. Oh, how Link wished he could just return to his old life, helping Fado with rounding up the goats. It was wishful thinking, however, when reality bit him on the ass. Quite literally, in fact.

"Ah!" Link gasped feeling a spider had sneaked up behind him somehow and had, in fact, bitten him behind. With a wolfish snarl, Link spun to swing the sword at the annoying pest, beating it easily as it faded away. Link then glanced at Midna, surprised that she hadn't told Link a spider was sneaking up on him.

Midna sighed. "I told you, you're exhausted and you're making easy mistakes, you didn't even sense that spider behind you." Link knew Midna was right, but what could he do? This place was too dangerous to be sleeping in. He didn't know if he would suddenly be thrown back into the future again if he was to sleep.

"I know, but there's nothing we can do about it now. I don't think resting now would do much good." Midna wanted to argue, but she wasn't so sure either. This place was unlike any other dungeon they had encountered, although it certainly looked a lot nicer then the rest put together, it certainly wasn't one of the nice dungeons, like any dungeon was nice to begin with.

"I guess you're right, but at your condition, we'd probably, or you anyway, get eaten by some giant spider."

Link snorted, again with a wolfish manner attached to it. "If they're anything like the spiders in the forest temple, I don't see anything we need to be concerned about. I'm sure I can count on your help if things do get sticky?" Link glanced at Midna. Although they had a tense relationship at first, they had grown quite close now with working together to bring down Zant and, possibly Ganondorf too.

Link shivered a moment, Midna didn't comment it. Just thinking the name sent a chill down anyone's back. So far anyone knew, only the Hero of Time was able to bring down Ganondorf, along with the power of the Sages. Now they wanted Link to bring him down, only he wouldn't have much help from the Sages themselves. How was Link able to take them down if it took six Sages and the Hero of Time to beat the Lord of Darkness, or king, however he would describe himself. King of the Gerudo, that sounded better to Link in his mind, less of a challenge.

"Yes, I suppose I can help you if you become useless."

Link grinned a little. "Let's hope it doesn't come to that, remember you were just wondering around before you found me." Midna didn't reply to that and simply went back to hiding in his shadow. Link shook his head and stood to head more into the temple, after having gotten the compass, of course.

The next room had another rupee switch, which reacted much the same as the first rupee. He used his boomerang to hit this time, having learnt his lesson with his sword, and was soon stuck in battle with more of Ganondorf's minions.

When he had beaten all the minions he spied, he spotted the same barrier he had found earlier. The electric barrier. Link glared at it, he knew now not to touch it, but he had spied a chest that way before. _Perhaps I can come back later; I need to head this way again anyway. _With that, he left the barrier there, untouched.

The weights were hardly a challenge to Link, but the spiders who were on the floor were the bigger nuisance. They only attacked from behind, but since there were so many, it was hard for Link to concentrate his focus on all of them at the same time. He found it easier to be a wolf and attack them, not needing to pause to attack again and the spiders weren't going to attack him even with him being open. He was just too fast, sometimes he really appraised being a wolf, despite it giving him characteristics he'd rather not deal with, such as pawing at the floor and a growing sense of paranoia.

The rolling spike logs were nothing pleasant. They were easy to handle, even under the Hero's weakened state, but Link found he had little trouble with them.

"I'm surprised you haven't tripped over your own feet yet." Midna mused after Link had gotten past the spiked logs.

"I have to agree with you, I feel a bit tired, but I'm confident I'll get through this." Link reassured her, although she didn't need much of it. If the Hero could get this far whilst half asleep, who knows what he would be like after a good nights sleep.

When he got to a certain room, however, things took a turn.

"Isn't that the statue from down below?" Link had asked Midna, not trusting his sight due to sleep loss.

"It looks like it, but be careful Link, I feel something's not right here." The Hero took Midna's advice and approached with caution. True to form, the door slammed shut behind him once he distanced himself from it and it locked up. _They'll never tire of that, will they? _Link thought, much to his annoyance.

He didn't have to wait for long when a statue of a dark knight came to life. _That's the second time that's happened to me now. _Link wasn't surprised his nemesis used the same techniques, they were clever techniques but they were getting old, fast. This knight would possibly be of little challenge to the Hero, but he knew better then to take the enemy lightly. He was heavily armoured and carried a shield and a mace of some sort. The Hero already had a plan, attacking from behind would be the best course of action with a covered front.

Link drew his Master Sword and shield with a determined look in his eye. This enemy would be no different to the rest. With a war cry, the Hero charged at the dark knight, moving swiftly and agilely across the floor, too fast for his opponent to touch. Because of the size and strength of the dark knight, Link could only damage the creature from behind.

With several swings and knocking the armour off the knight, the hero finally got the knight to a position where the fight was fairer. With the knight's armour stripped off, all Link had to do was wait for an open opportunity.

The knight attempted to strike the hero, but he slipped out of the way quickly and struck back, finding the opening. The knight hadn't stood a chance and he fell down, defeated. Link grinned, his way of celebrating victory before he looked out for his prize. He found it nearby in a chest a sort of rod.

_A rod? _Link thought, picking up the object. _What good is a rod with a light coming from it? _Link held it much like he'd hold his sword. It seemed to fit, but it just didn't feel like a weapon, at least not a good one. Heading to the middle of the room for... well, more room, Link frowned as he tossed the rod up and down in his hand. Smirking, Link imagined it as a sword and swung it much like he was doing an uppercut. A sudden small ball of light flew from the rod towards a statue above the opening where the chest laid and exploded on the statue, flowing through it, creating lines as if they were veins and the statue suddenly raised its axe, holding it the same way Link was holding the rod.

Confused, Link lowered the rod to see that the statue mirrored his movement. To test it out, Link took a few steps back; the statue followed and fell down the ledge it was standing upon with a **BANG! **Link jumped slightly, mostly startled by the force of the noise, but then broke into a grin. The hero turned the rod slightly to bring the light back from the statue and stood right next to the statue, before swinging the light back into the statue. He then raised his rod up, before throwing it back down, the statue imitated exactly as the hero himself.

Link smiled, now there was such an easier way to get rid of those little pests most people dubbed as spiders. Giant spiders, to be exact. Link found it troublesome to deal with such great numbers, now with the statue's giant axe, getting rid of the pests would be child's play, of course Link did a lot of that back in Ordon.

"Link, stop messing about!" Midna scowled at Link, now appearing from his shadow.

Link sighed. "I was just trying to see if it could attack, that could be useful."

"Well, now that that's tested and done, can we get on with this?" Midna didn't give Link a chance to reply and disappeared back into his shadow. Looking back at the statue, the hero continued on with his mission, the statue following closely beside him.

Link found himself back at the last electric fence he needed to pass. When he had first seen the bells that hung above the ground, he had simply thought them there for religious reasons, but he never thought of putting the statue under it. It was a teleport of some sort. It solved the problem of getting the statues through the doors that were smaller then it.

The statue now situated on the opposite side of the fence Link was facing. He could see there was a button nearby the statue, clearly for the electrical fence. Link glanced at the statue, knowing what to do. Bringing the statue to life, he moved it (and himself) to the button (himself just so the statue would copy) and the hero smirks as he watches the electrical fence dim to nothing.

Deactivating the statue, the hero runs towards the chest he had seen before, grabbing his prize and heads straight back. With a simple swing, he brings the statue back to life and goes past the electrical fence. He had forgotten, however, that the switch there deactivates after the weight had been lifted, so fate had it that the electrical fence be turned back on right when the hero was between the two poles that created the electrical current.

"Yargh!" Because of the violent reaction, Link was thrown to the wall, the statue deactivating and he fell to the floor, coughing out smoke. His hair stuck up slightly but was otherwise unharmed; he easily smoothed it down with a hand and he shakily tried standing up.

"Didn't I tell you to get more rest?" Midna scolded Link, much to the hero's annoyance. "You're getting courage and madness mixed up."

Link rolled his eyes and stood back on his feet. "Don't think I'll ever look at lightning the same way again." With a simple shake of his head, Link got the statue back and carried on his way through the Temple of Time.

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Yeah... not my best work, but I suppose it'll do. It's not like experts are going to see it, or nintendo for that fact, right? xD

Good so... yes I did the thing with the electrical fence, stupid of me but in all honestly, I simply forgot because you have like 3 different types of switches, you ask me to remember them all? ER NO xD

I hope you enjoyed that one shot and I'll probably make more Zelda fanfic in future! Make a nice review, or if it's horrid... I'll just act as fit xD  
~Blackie


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